Decisions.. I need to make decisions almost everyday. What to eat? What to wear? To put on make up? To study in Japan? It is always easy to make decisions. Sometimes I do it based on gut feelings, sometimes based on rational thinking and sometimes just for the sake of solving the problem of having to decide! Once a decision has been made, the difficult part is when you are faced with an obstacle. My buddy’s question was..
“Do you press on steadfastly or stubbornly?”
Am I a steadfast or a stubborn person? The definitions for steadfast and stubborn according to my buddy goes like this..
“Steadfast as pressing on because you know you're working towards something that's good and right.”
”Stubborn would mean pressing on because you want to prove you're right, i.e., logic isn't applicable.”
I would say that currently, at this point of time, I am a very stubborn girl. I am being extremely stubborn.
It is strange, but one reason why I am so close to my buddies… it is because we think alike:
“And I'm stubbornly holding on to the fact that I don't need a significant other to fill up the void that's plaguing inside of me.”
I can’t agree with her more. I have been trying to prove to myself all this while that I am RIGHT. I stubbornly believe that I am capable of not needing another person in my life. I think I have build a strong wall in front of me. A wall so strong, one which I myself can’t break down. I AM STILL trying to PROVE to myself that I do not need a significant other. Am I being childish? Stupid? Crazy? I don’t know, you tell me!
I am also stubbornly holding on to a decision that I have made a couple of months ago. Now face with challenges and obstacles, I am not pressing on steadfastly but stubbornly. I am not applying logical thinking to my decisions. Rather, yet again I am trying to prove to myself that the decisions made were right. Proving to myself that I am capable of handling the challenges. Unable to accept defeat and just tell the whole world that probably I’ve made the wrong choice! I have set very high standards for myself. Most of the time, I am trying to live up to my own expectations. I get frustrated if I can’t do so. Why can’t I be less stubborn, lower down my expectations, and stop trying to prove that I am right!
I do not understand myself sometimes. Why am I actually so stubborn. What is the point of proving that I am RIGHT? What will I get at the end of the day? I will probably achieve self satisfaction and nothing else. But I just cannot convince myself not to be stubborn. I guess I need some lessons.. anyone able to do so please give me a call at 012-345 6789!! Till I re-learn the skills of steadfast (I believe I have lost that skill recently), I will still be the STUBBORN ME!
p/s: initial pst was longer but darn ISP hanged will I was publishing my blog!!
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